It was only a matter of time before Graham’s exes started telling tales out of school – including the pie-plate caper.

“You’ll be shocked to learn that Graham Platner’s ex-lovers are now coming out of the woodwork,” said Steve Robinson, editor in chief of The Maine Wire

For instance:

“I very briefly was talking to and then consequently seeing Graham Platner from about February 2021 until mid July 2021 when it was revealed to me that he was cheating on his fiancé at the time. He knew about the f**king tattoo.”

Gov. Janet Mills, meanwhile, was secretly, vicariously, living through her opponent Platner’s female travails until she dropped out of the Democrat primary U.S. Senate race.

In her dreams, the 78-year-old widowed governor was probably wishing that someone would unearth some of her past boyfriends to make her seem more relevant against her 41-year-old sperm-king opponent.

But alas, unfortunately for Janet all the focus on misogynistic behavior has been directed towards Graham Platner.

In an odd sort of way, Graham’s girls brought him a watershed of publicity that any candidate would covet.

As the actress Bette Davis once famously said , “the only thing worse than their talking about you behind your back is ignoring you.”

“I will write a full statement about my story and what I think his candidacy means for ‘progressive politics’ because despite my joke about being a ‘spurned lover’ with a stolen pie dish I never tried to out him but instead watched him lie to the people of Maine and our country,” says one Graham ex.

The real victim of all of this is not necessarily Graham’s ex-girlfriend’s but his wife, Amy Gertner, who suddenly realized shortly after they were married that he was two-timing her on a social-media dating app.

Oh for the good old days when Amy was talking about his great sperm…